by Melissa Kitto
My little boy Liam is now four months old. While I was pregnant, I received a message from my guidance suggesting that I take 4 months of maternity leave. Now that time is coming to an end and I am transitioning back to working more again, it seemed a good time to reflect and share with you what I have learned from this experience of being a mother. Although it’s only been 4 months I almost can’t remember what it was like without Liam around.
Lesson #1
Focus on the Essential and forget the trivia
After 35 years of life without my own child (although I have been a step-mum for years) I had settled into a rhythm of routines and how I liked to get things done. I thought I was busy before but that was NOTHING compared to how busy I became with a newborn in the house! It took me a while to realize that because there is simply less time available, I need to let some tasks go.
In the beginning I was trying to do things that simply weren’t essential anymore. There was no time and I was sleep deprived. It was very frustrating. I had to let go and just stop doing them completely.
I’ve learned to prioritize tasks into Essential, Important and Trivia. At this point, only the essential things get done, and the important tasks tend to stay on my to-do list for a few weeks before I finally get to them! As a result of this prioritizing I feel my energy is very directed and streamlined, which feels great.
Lesson #2
Flow with the Energy in my Environment
Liam is still very little and has a lot of needs that need to be met. He is an active baby (an Intuitive!) and often gets fussy if he is still for too long. His favorite thing to do is be in the stroller or in the baby bjorn carrier outside, and is happy as long as we are moving! I’ve learned how to work within the flow of his timing and still do what I need to do.
So instead of exercising inside with a DVD and leaving Liam there to watch me (which wouldn’t last long!) I put him in the stroller and go for a brisk walk. He is happy for 30 minutes or more but would never last that long sitting still inside. I get the exercise that I need while still meeting Liam’s needs. I flow with his moods and rhythms and arrange my schedule accordingly.
I think it’s also worth pointing out that I don’t leave myself out. I meet my needs also. Each day I balance this by having plenty of time where I just focus on Liam and play with him.
Lesson #3
Remain Flexible!
As you Mums out there know, babies can be unpredictable! Liam is really a very good baby, and we have so much fun with him! But there are times when he’s fussy to the point where I have decided to change my plans.
For instance last week I had plans to meet some friends for dinner. Richard was out that evening, so I took Liam with me. I followed his usual night-time routine, with a bath, feeding and pajamas. He usually sleeps really well, so I put him in the car seat expecting him to doze off on the way and be asleep for the night.
40 minutes later I was a block away from the restaurant and he was still awake and fussing! So that evening, I gave in and decided to cancel on dinner knowing that he would not cope well in a restaurant in that mood. He was simply over-tired and it would get even worse in public. I really wanted to see my friends, but in times like that I remind myself how much I went through to have a baby and how thankful I am to have him. This helps me get over missing dinner out every now and again.
Lesson #4
Accept help!
I’ve been wondering … when did we forget that raising a child takes a village? So many mothers are doing this alone. In the first few weeks I had a concept that because I was the one that wanted a baby, I had to do all the work. I felt guilty about letting my husband or someone else help out. I had to learn that I’m not superwoman and I need to have my own interests and friendships.
It felt so good the first time that I left Liam with Richard to go back to work out at the gym. And it was great the first time I went out with a friend to a movie too! I felt like myself again and came back into balance. And it helps me to be a better Mum for Liam. My spiritual thrust is “Balance and Harmony Guide Me Through” and I know this is one of the reasons why Liam was attracted to be part of our family. He learns from me about how to balance different aspects of life.
Lesson #5
Babies are spiritual beings too.
Looking at a baby with limitations of movement and communication, it is easy to forget that he is a soul. Each day I remind myself that Liam is a soul, and an older one than I am! He has had many lifetimes of experience and learning before becoming a baby again. He has brought with him strengths and tendencies from before.
He will still go through the developmental stages like every child, but Richard and I try to remember that Liam has his own unique life purpose. He has spiritual lessons to learn. He deserves to be treated with respect as an older, wiser soul, not dismissed ‘cause he’s a baby!
Liam has taught me so much already, and I learn from him each and every day.
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